Online Safety

What are online influences?

Online influences are the people, content, and environments that shape how young people think, feel, and behave. These can come from social media, gaming, influencers, group chats, and online communities.

Looksmaxing refers to an online movement focused on maximising physical attractiveness, often through extreme and obsessive means. At its more accessible end it can appear like ordinary self-improvement or fitness content. But it often promotes the belief that a person’s value and their ability to be loved, respected, or successful is determined almost entirely by how they look.

Incel is short for ‘involuntary celibate’ a term used to describe online communities built around the belief that certain men are owed romantic or sexual relationships, and that women, society, or genetics have unfairly denied them this. Incel ideology is deeply misogynistic, often promotes hopelessness and profound resentment, and in extreme cases has been linked to real-world violence against women.

Because young people spend so much time in these spaces, online influences can feel just as powerful – or more powerful – than what they experience offline. This isn’t always a problem, but some online content actively promotes harmful ideas about gender, relationships, and power in ways that can be subtle and difficult to challenge.

What might it look like?

Negative online influences can be hard to spot, you may only see fragments. You might notice:

• Repeating ideas, phrases, or language from online spaces or influencers
• Copying trends or challenges that feel disrespectful or unsafe
• Feeling pressure to fit in, get likes, or gain approval online
• Being drawn into certain communities or types of content repeatedly
• Changes in attitude, particularly around gender, relationships, or who deserves respect
• Spending increasing time in specific online spaces, especially if secretive about it
• A sudden shift in who they look up to or how they talk about others
• Becoming preoccupied with appearance, physical ‘flaws,’ or comparisons with others, particularly after following certain accounts or communities
• Using terms like ‘looksmaxxing,’ ‘SMV,’ ‘Chad,’ ‘Stacy,’ ‘blackpill,’ or ‘redpill’, language associated with online communities that can promote harmful beliefs
• Expressing beliefs that certain groups are inferior, that they are owed something from others, or that the world is fundamentally unfair in ways that justify anger or withdrawal
• Becoming increasingly cynical, withdrawn, or expressing hopelessness about relationships or their own future

Understanding the impact

Online content is often designed to keep young people engaged, which means they may see the same types of messages repeatedly. Over time, this can make certain attitudes or behaviours feel normal, even when they are harmful.

This includes harmful ideas about gender roles, relationships, and power, the kind of content linked to misogyny, extreme communities, and radicalisation into harmful attitudes. Young people don’t always recognise the shift happening in their own thinking, and may resist the idea that they are being influenced at all.

The impact can show up in how they talk about others, what they find funny, what they expect from relationships, and over time, how they treat people.

What you can do

Stay curious and interested in their online world

Ask what they enjoy online, who they follow, and what they’ve been watching. Not to catch them out, but to understand. Young people are more likely to talk openly when they sense genuine interest rather than surveillance. This also gives you the opportunity to spot concerning content early.

Watch and discuss content together

If you’re concerned about a particular influencer or type of content, watch it together. Ask what they think about it. Talk about how online content is designed to provoke reactions, how influencers make money, and whether the ideas hold up when you look at them more closely.

Help them develop critical thinking

The most protective thing you can give a young person is the habit of questioning what they see online. You might ask: ‘Who made this and why?’ or ‘What’s the message here about how people should be treated?’ or ‘Does this match how you actually want to be?’ These questions build a habit, not just a one-off conversation.

Looksmaxing

For young people already struggling with confidence or belonging, this content can become a distorted lens through which they measure their own worth. It can lead to obsessive comparison with others, significant body image problems and anxiety, and in some cases harmful interventions, from extreme dieting to researching cosmetic procedures.

Looksmaxing communities also frequently overlap with other harmful online spaces, where low self-worth and appearance obsession are channelled into resentment towards others, particularly women. This makes it an important early warning sign to take seriously.

If you are concerned your child is engaging with looksmaxing content:

• Avoid dismissing it as vanity. The underlying feelings of inadequacy and the need to belong are real and deserve to be taken seriously
• Try to understand what is driving the interest.  Could it be low self-esteem, loneliness, social rejection, or a genuine search for confidence?
• Help them question the core idea: that worth is determined by appearance and explore where that idea comes from and whether it holds up
• Talk about what you actually value in them, and in people generally, and make it specific
• If body image concerns feel serious, or if the content is becoming compulsive, seek support from your GP or a mental health professional

YoungMinds — body image and social media – guidance for young people and parents on body image and online pressure.

Incel culture

Young people rarely arrive at these communities suddenly. They are often drawn in gradually, through self-improvement content, gaming communities, comedy channels, or spaces where they find others who share their sense of rejection or not fitting in. The ideology tends to escalate over time, with increasingly extreme ideas becoming normalised within the community.

If you have noticed your child using incel language or expressing incel beliefs, it does not mean they are beyond reach. Many young people are drawn to these spaces because of genuine loneliness, low self-worth, social rejection, or a search for belonging and identity. The ideology offers an explanation, however distorted, for pain that is real. Understanding what is driving the interest is the starting point for helping them find better answers to those needs.

If you are concerned:

• Stay curious rather than reactive. Expressing disgust or alarm often pushes young people further into communities that tell them the outside world doesn’t understand them
• Try to address the underlying needs. Such as loneliness, rejection, feeling like they don’t belong,  directly and practically
• Help them question the ideas without attacking them: ‘Do you think that’s actually true?’ and ‘Where do you think that idea comes from?’ and ‘Does that match the kind of person you want to be?’
• Keep the relationship open, a young person who feels judged will disengage; one who feels heard is more likely to stay in conversation
• If the beliefs seem entrenched, you are worried about your child’s mental health, or you are concerned about the safety of others, seek specialist support

Beyond Equality — parents toolkit – practical guidance for parents talking to boys and young men about harmful online influences.

Internet Matters — radicalisation and extreme content – guidance on spotting and responding to radicalising online content.

Set boundaries around online use

If online content is clearly affecting your child’s attitudes or behaviour, some practical boundaries make sense – around time, platforms, or specific communities. Involving your child in setting these makes them more likely to stick and reduces the sense of being surveilled.

Keep the conversation ongoing

Online influences shift constantly. Regular, short check-ins, sparked by something you’ve seen or heard, are more effective than occasional big talks.

What is grooming?

Grooming is when someone builds a relationship with a child or young person in order to gain trust and gradually push boundaries, leading to behaviour that is unsafe, harmful, or exploitative.

It is often thought of as something adults do to children, but grooming can also happen between young people. And sometimes young people themselves engage in grooming behaviour. Copying what they have seen online, responding to peer pressure, or trying to feel more confident or in control, without fully understanding the impact.

Because grooming develops gradually, often starting as friendship, attention, or kindness, it can be very difficult for a young person to recognise what is happening. By the time boundaries are being crossed, it may already feel normal.

What might it look like?

• Giving lots of attention, compliments, or gifts, quickly and intensely
• Building a close connection very fast and encouraging secrecy
• Isolating someone from their friends, family, or other support
• Gradually introducing sexual conversations, images, or requests
• Pressuring someone to share personal information or images
• Using emotional pressure, guilt, or threats to maintain control
• A young person talking about a new older friend or online contact you don’t recognise
• Unexplained gifts, money, or a new phone
• Becoming secretive about their device or online activity
• A young person trying to influence or control another’s behaviour in similar ways

Understanding the impact

Because grooming often starts as something positive, young people may not realise their boundaries are being crossed until significant harm has already occurred. This can affect their sense of trust, safety, confidence, and their understanding of what relationships should look like.

When a young person is engaging in grooming behaviour towards others, they may genuinely not recognise the harm they are causing. But the impact on the other person can be serious and lasting.

Without support, these patterns can shape how young people form relationships over time. With the right support, they can understand what has happened and make safer choices.

What you can do

Stay aware of changes

Changes in behaviour, new secretive friendships, unexplained gifts, or a young person becoming withdrawn or anxious can all be signs that something is happening. Trust your instincts and ask questions in a calm, curious way rather than with accusations.

Make it easy to come to you

Young people who are being groomed often feel confused, ashamed, or worried they’ll get into trouble. Letting your child know regularly, not just once, that they can tell you anything without being judged or punished makes it more likely they’ll come to you early.

Talk about pressure and how it sounds in real life

Help your child understand what pressure actually sounds like because it rarely comes labelled as such. Groomers, whether adults or peers, use emotional language designed to create loyalty and silence. You might talk through some examples together:

• ‘Don’t tell anyone. It’ll ruin everything for me’
• ‘If you really cared about me you wouldn’t say anything’
• ‘This is just between us’
• ‘No one else would understand’

Asking ‘has anyone ever said anything like that to you?’ is often easier for a young person to answer honestly than being asked directly whether they have been keeping secrets.

If you have found concerning messages from an adult

Finding unexpected messages on your child’s device from an adult you don’t know, or messages that feel sexual, secretive, or manipulative can be frightening. Here is what to do:

• Stay calm. Your response in the next few minutes matters. If your child sees you panicking or angry, they may shut down or feel they need to protect the person contacting them
• Do not delete anything. Screenshots, messages, and conversation history may be needed if you report to the police or CEOP. Take screenshots first and store them somewhere secure
• Do not confront the person contacting your child. This can alert them and cause them to delete evidence, close accounts, or escalate contact through other channels
• Talk to your child calmly and without blame. They may have feelings about this person that feel real and important to them. Acknowledge that before explaining why you are concerned
• Report to CEOP – the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Command allows you to report online. You can report on your child’s behalf and do not need to have all the information before you do so
• Contact the NSPCC. Their helpline can advise on next steps and help you decide whether to involve the police

If your child is in immediate danger, call 999.

If your child is displaying grooming behaviour

Stay calm. Avoid reacting with anger or shame, which can shut down the conversation. Try to understand what has been happening and seek specialist support early. This behaviour can be addressed, but it needs the right help.

It is worth knowing that online spaces are now one of the main ways young people engage in grooming behaviour, through social media platforms, gaming, apps, and direct messaging. Young people may not fully understand that what they are doing online constitutes grooming, particularly when it starts with what feels like normal conversation or flirting. This does not remove the seriousness, but it does shape how you approach the conversation with them.

If you are looking for specialist support for a young person displaying grooming behaviour, the following organisations work specifically in this area in Wales:

What is this section about?

This section is for parents who have discovered, or are worried,  that their child has sent, received, or had shared an intimate or sexual image. This might have happened voluntarily as part of a relationship, under pressure, or without the young person’s knowledge or consent.

This is a separate section from our Sextortion section, which covers the specific situation where images are used as blackmail or coercion. If that sounds more like your situation, the Sextortion page has specific guidance and support that will be more useful for you.

What is an intimate image?

An intimate image is any photo or video that shows someone in a sexual or nude way. This includes images taken by the young person themselves, images taken by someone else with or without consent, and images that have been shared or forwarded, even if they were originally shared willingly.

The legal picture

It is important to know that sharing sexual images involving anyone under 18 is illegal. This applies in several situations that parents and young people may not be aware of:

• Sending or receiving sexual images of anyone under 18, even if the person took the image themselves
• Sharing images that were originally shared willingly. Consent to share once does not mean consent to share further
• Forwarding images to others, even in a group chat
• Possessing sexual images of under 18s on a device
• This applies between young people of a similar age, not just between adults and children

This is sometimes called ‘sexting,’ but the more accurate term is ‘youth produced sexual imagery.’ Both terms appear in online resources and searching for either will find relevant guidance.

Young people often do not know this. What feels like a normal part of a relationship, or something everyone does, can have serious legal consequences. This is not about criminalising young people, it is about making sure they understand the risks before something goes wrong.

What might this look like?

• A young person sharing an intimate image of themselves with someone they trust in a relationship, or as part of flirting
• Someone sharing an image of a young person without their consent. Sometimes called non-consensual image sharing or ‘revenge porn’
• An image being forwarded beyond the original recipient, sometimes by many people
• A young person receiving unsolicited sexual images from an adult or peer
• A young person asking others to send intimate images
• An image being discovered on a device, either your child’s or someone else’s

Understanding the impact

Once an image has been shared beyond the original recipient, it can feel completely out of control. The shame, fear, and helplessness this causes can be overwhelming for a young person.

It is important to know that this is not the young person’s fault, whatever the circumstances and that images can often be removed. There is support available, and acting quickly matters.

For a young person who has shared an image of someone else without consent, there are also serious consequences, emotional, relational, and potentially legal. This too requires specialist support, not shame.

What you can do

If your child has shared an intimate image of themselves

Stay calm and do not react with anger or shame. This is the moment your child needs to feel safe, not punished. Reassure them that you are going to help, that this is not their fault, and that there are steps you can take together.

• Do not delete images from devices. This may be needed for a report or to help get the image removed
• Use the Childline Report Remove tool. This free service allows under 18s to report and request removal of intimate images from the internet. You can use it together
• If the image has been shared by an adult, or as part of pressure or coercion, report to CEOP
• Contact the NSPCC or Internet Watch Foundation for advice on removal and next steps

Childline Report Remove – free tool to report and request removal of intimate images of under 18s from the internet.

If your child has received unsolicited sexual images from an adult

This is a criminal matter. The most important first step is to contact the NSPCC helpline or CEOP before doing anything else including deleting images or taking screenshots. They will advise you on exactly what to preserve and how, in a way that protects both you and your child legally.

• Do not delete anything before getting advice. Evidence may be needed
• Contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or CEOP online, they can advise on evidence and next steps
• You can also contact your local police, you do not need to have all the information before you report

If your child is in immediate danger, call 999.

If your child has shared an intimate image of someone else

Take it seriously. This is harmful to the other person and, if the image involves anyone under 18, it is illegal. Stay calm and do not try to manage this alone.

• Seek specialist advice before taking action. Stop It Now can advise confidentially on next steps
• Do not delete the images before seeking advice. This may affect what help is available
• Talk to your child about the impact on the other person, not to shame them, but to help them understand the real harm caused

Stop It Now – 0808 1000 900 – free, confidential advice. You do not need to give names or identifying details.

What is sextortion?

Sextortion is when someone pressures, manipulates, or threatens a person into sharing sexual images, videos, or content and then uses what they have received to demand more, or threatens to share it unless they comply.

It often starts in a way that feels normal, such as chatting, flirting, or building a connection online. Over time, this can shift into pressure to share images. Once something has been shared, the situation can escalate quickly and feel impossible to get out of.

Sextortion can happen between adults and young people, but also between young people themselves. Some young people become involved without fully understanding how serious it is, influenced by peer pressure, online trends, or a belief that it is common or ‘just a joke.’ This does not remove the harm caused, but it helps explain how young people can end up in these situations.

What might it look like?

• Being asked to send sexual images or videos, sometimes gradually, after building trust
• Someone saving or screenshotting private content without permission
• Threats to share images unless more are sent, or unless the person does what they’re told
• Use of group chats to share or threaten to share images
• A young person using images or messages to control or pressure someone else
• Situations escalating very quickly after something has been shared
• A young person seeming frightened, distressed, or suddenly very secretive about their phone

Understanding the impact

Sextortion can have a serious and immediate impact. For a young person experiencing it, this may include fear, panic, shame, and a feeling of being completely trapped, particularly given the speed at which online situations can escalate.

For a young person engaging in this behaviour, there can be serious consequences both for others and for themselves. Sextortion is a criminal offence in the UK. The harm caused can be significant and long-lasting, even when the young person did not fully understand what they were doing.

These behaviours are often linked to wider patterns of control, pressure, and power in relationships, including those connected to gender-based violence.

What you can do

Try to slow down – even if you have already reacted

When you discover something like this, panic is a natural and completely understandable response. Fear for your child is powerful. If your first reaction was to shout, grab the phone, or react with anger, that is human. It does not mean you have made things worse beyond repair.

If you can, take a moment before continuing. Step into another room. Take a few slow, deliberate breaths. Drink a glass of water. Even two minutes of distance can help your nervous system settle enough to think more clearly. A steadier response from you genuinely makes it easier for your child to open up.

If things have already escalated, you can still repair. You might say: ‘I reacted badly earlier and I’m sorry. I was frightened. Can we try again?’ That models something important, that difficult conversations can be started over, and that your relationship with them is more important than getting it right first time.

Reassure your child

Whether your child is the one being targeted or the one who has sent or used images inappropriately, reassure them that they are not alone and that you are going to help. Shame makes these situations worse. Your steady, calm response is one of the most important things you can offer.

Keep the evidence – do not delete

It is important not to delete messages, images, or conversations even if the content is distressing. This evidence may be needed if a report is made to the police or CEOP. Take screenshots if necessary and keep them somewhere secure.

Report it

Sextortion involving a young person should be reported. You can report to CEOP online, contact the NSPCC helpline for advice, or go to your local police. You do not need to have all the answers before you report.

CEOP — report online sexual exploitation – you can report on behalf of a young person.

Help your child understand the impact

If your child has been involved in sextortion towards others, helping them understand how their actions affected the other person is an important part of moving forward. Not through shame, but through real understanding. Specialist support can help with these conversations.