Harmful Attitudes and Behaviours

What is anger?

Anger is a normal and healthy emotion. It can be a way for young people to express that something feels unfair, overwhelming, or difficult.

Because children and young people are still developing emotional awareness and self-control, anger can sometimes feel intense and hard to manage. At times, it may come out in ways that are not safe.

What might it look like?

As young people’s brains develop and their social world expands, they may feel things more strongly and struggle with the push and pull between wanting independence and still needing guidance. Anger outbursts might look like:

• Shouting, swearing, or reacting quickly
• Lashing out physically or damaging property
• Struggling to calm down once upset
• Becoming easily frustrated or overwhelmed
• Reacting before thinking

Understanding the impact

When anger is not managed safely, it can affect relationships at home, at school, and with friends.

Over time, patterns of reacting with aggression or control can shape how young people deal with conflict. Without support, this can influence how they behave in relationships later in life, including increasing the risk of harmful or controlling behaviours.

With support, young people can learn to recognise their emotions and respond in safer, more constructive ways.

What you can do

If things feel unsafe right now

When behaviour becomes unsafe, the priority is keeping everyone safe. In that moment:

• Avoid physical contact unless there is no other option to ensure safety
• Remove objects that could cause harm. You may be able to plan ahead by creating a calm, safe space in the home
• Remove yourself and others from the situation if you can
• Call someone you trust, a family member or friend, who can help steady things
• If you are in immediate danger, call 999

For more detailed guidance on responding safely when things escalate, Capa First Response offer practical, step-by-step advice for families.

Supporting yourself in the moment

Give yourself a moment to steady before you respond. Trying to reason with a child who is dysregulated usually escalates things. A calm adult presence gives your child something to anchor to, even if they can’t show it.

This is genuinely hard. When you’re frightened or under pressure, your nervous system reacts automatically. Managing your own response takes practice and support and it’s okay to ask for help with that too.

After the moment has passed

Once things have settled, give everyone, including yourself, time to recover before talking about what happened. You might:

• Check everyone is okay and help return the home to a calm state
• Reassure your child that anger is okay, but hurting others is not
• Talk about what happened and what they were feeling underneath the anger
• Help them think about what could be different next time
• Where it feels right, involve them in thinking through what helps, what worked, what didn’t

Having the conversation

If your child’s anger is regularly coming out in ways that are unsafe or difficult to manage, talking it through with them and with someone who can support you,  makes a real difference.

The NSPCC’s guidance on anger in children is broken down by age group and covers practical ways to support your child to recognise and manage their feelings.

Anger management in children: how parents can help — NSPCC.

It can also help to talk to your child’s school. The pastoral team may already be aware of what’s happening and can offer additional support.

What is misogyny?

Misogyny is the dislike of, or prejudice against, women and girls. It can show up in attitudes, language, or behaviour. Sometimes in obvious ways, and sometimes in more subtle or normalised ways.

Today, many young people are exposed to messages about gender through social media, gaming, peer groups, and influencers. Some of these messages promote harmful ideas for example, that boys should be dominant, in control, or entitled in relationships, and that girls should be judged, controlled, or treated differently.

Young people don’t always recognise these ideas as harmful. They may see them as jokes, trends, or just how things are, especially if they hear them often.

For more on what misogyny is and how it affects young people, visit Internet Matters — guidance for parents and carers. You can also read more about harmful online influences in our Online Safety section.

What might it look like?

Misogyny can show up in different ways depending on who is affected and how. You might notice:

• Sexist jokes or comments often dismissed as ‘banter’
• Dismissing, interrupting, or talking over girls
• Sharing harmful or degrading content about women online
• Expecting different standards of behaviour from boys and girls
• A boy feeling pressure to act dominant, tough, or ‘in charge’
• Following influencers who promote harmful ideas about gender or relationships
• A girl becoming quieter, more anxious, or withdrawing from friendships or activities
• A boy being mocked or excluded for showing emotion or not conforming to lad culture

Understanding the impact

Misogyny can affect how young people see themselves, how they treat others, and what they believe is acceptable in relationships.

For girls, it can impact confidence, safety, and self-worth. Shaping what they feel able to say, do, or expect from others. For boys, it can create pressure to behave in ways that are controlling, unemotional, or dominant, even if that doesn’t reflect who they really are. Boys who don’t conform to these expectations can face real social pressure and exclusion.

Over time, these attitudes can shape behaviour in relationships. If they are not challenged, they can develop into harmful patterns, including behaviours linked to gender-based violence and violence against women and girls.

These attitudes are often learned. With the right conversations and support, young people can question these ideas, understand their impact, and choose more respectful ways of relating.

Read more about protecting young people from misogyny and the manosphere — The Children’s Society.

What you can do

Challenge harmful comments calmly

When you hear something disrespectful or sexist, naming it clearly, without anger, helps your child understand the impact without feeling attacked. You might say: ‘That comment is disrespectful’ or ‘Speaking about women like that isn’t okay.’ Keep it short, calm, and factual.

Ask questions rather than lecture

Curiosity helps young people think for themselves. Instead of telling them they’re wrong, try asking: ‘Where do you think that idea comes from?’ or ‘How do you think that might make someone feel?’ or ‘Does that match the kind of person you want to be?’ These questions encourage reflection without shame.

Explore online content together

If harmful attitudes are coming from online spaces, explore them together. Ask what they’ve been watching, discuss how influencers make money from provoking reactions, and talk about how some content is designed to shock or divide. This builds critical thinking and reduces the power of harmful messages.

The Same Side campaign has resources that can help start these conversations.

Model respectful behaviour

Children take their cues from the adults around them. Where possible, model the kind of equality and respect in relationships that you want them to see and name it when you do. ‘I’m listening to what she has to say because her opinion matters’ is a simple but powerful message.

Keep the conversation ongoing

One conversation won’t do it. Short, regular conversations, sparked by something you’ve seen together online, on TV, or in the news, are more effective than a single big talk. Keep the tone curious and open so your child knows they can come to you.

The Internet Matters guide to talking about misogyny is a practical resource for parents.

If your child is on the receiving end

Misogyny doesn’t only affect young people who are displaying harmful attitudes. It also affects those who experience it from peers, online spaces, or wider culture.

For girls: if your daughter is experiencing sexist comments, being dismissed, pressured, or made to feel less than, it’s important she knows that what’s happening is not okay and not her fault. You might:

• Listen without minimising – phrases like ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘just ignore it’ can make young people feel unseen
• Help her name what’s happening – knowing there is a word for it, and that it is wrong, can be validating in itself
• Talk about what she deserves in friendships and relationships
• Help her think through what she wants to do – whether that’s talking to someone at school, stepping back from certain spaces, or simply having someone in her corner

For boys: boys who don’t conform to expectations around toughness, dominance, or lad culture can also experience real pressure from peers, online spaces, and sometimes closer to home. This might look like being mocked for showing emotion, excluded from friendship groups, or targeted for being ‘soft’ or ‘different.’

If your son is experiencing this, he may not name it easily, it can feel like just how things are, or something he should be able to handle. You might:

• Create space for him to talk about friendships and how he’s feeling, without it becoming a big formal conversation
• Normalise the idea that he doesn’t have to act a certain way to belong or be respected
• Help him identify people around him such as peers or adults who value him as he is

Take it seriously if he seems withdrawn, is avoiding certain spaces, or talks about not fitting in

What is child to parent violence?

Child to parent violence (CPV) is when a child or young person’s behaviour makes a parent or carer feel unsafe, controlled, or hurt. It can happen in moments of overwhelm, or it can develop into a pattern where parents feel they must change how they live to avoid conflict.

CPV is a sign that a young person is struggling with emotions, stress, communication, or feeling out of control and needs support to find safer ways of coping. It can also come from a need to gain a sense of power or control.

These behaviours are serious and can be frightening. They can also become normalised over time, and many parents find it hard to acknowledge or seek help. You are not alone and reaching out is a positive, protective step.

What might it look like?

• Hitting, kicking, pushing, grabbing, or blocking a parent’s movement
• Damaging property, throwing objects, or breaking things during conflict
• Threats, intimidation, or behaviour that causes fear
• Controlling behaviour, such as demanding routines, monitoring parents, or refusing to let them leave a room
• Ongoing anger that escalates quickly and feels difficult to manage

Patterns families often notice

CPV often develops gradually. Families sometimes notice a pattern forming before they have the words to describe it:

• Parents or siblings changing their behaviour to avoid triggering the young person
• Feeling ‘on edge’ at home – waiting for the next explosion
• Arguments that regularly escalate into unsafe situations
• A cycle of explosion → calm → guilt → tension → explosion, repeating over time

These patterns are a signal that the situation has grown bigger than one family can manage alone. Support is available and asking for it is the right thing to do.

Understanding the impact

CPV can leave parents feeling frightened, ashamed, isolated, or unsure where to turn. Many parents describe walking on eggshells or feeling guilty for needing help. These feelings are common – you are not alone, and you have not failed.

Brothers and sisters may also be affected, feeling scared, confused, or trying to keep the peace. They may hide in their rooms, avoid home, or try to intervene. Supporting siblings to feel safe and heard is an important part of responding to CPV.

For young people, if harmful behaviour continues it can shape how they handle conflict in friendships and future relationships. Supporting change early helps them learn respect, responsibility, and safer ways to express strong emotions.

What you can do

If things feel unsafe right now

When behaviour becomes unsafe, the priority is keeping everyone safe. In that moment:

• Avoid physical contact unless there is no other option to keep someone safe
• Move yourself and others away from the situation
• Remove objects that could cause harm where possible
• Call someone you trust who can help steady things
• If you are in immediate danger, call 999

You are allowed to protect yourself. You are allowed to call the police. Your safety matters too.

Safety Planning 

A safety plan helps you respond more steadily during difficult moments before a crisis, not just during one. Think about safe rooms, exit routes, and people you can call. Where it feels right, you can involve your child in reviewing the plan together when things are calm.

For detailed guidance on responding safely when things escalate, Capa First Response offer step-by-step family safety planning and advice.

Supporting yourself in the moment

Your nervous system reacts automatically when you feel threatened. Give yourself a moment to steady your breathing before responding. A calm adult presence, few words and a steady tone helps reduce pressure for everyone. This is genuinely hard, and it’s okay to ask for help with it too.

Capa First Response — How to stay calm when things are challenging (video) is a helpful resource for this.

In the moment – a note on communication

If you choose to stay nearby during a difficult moment, less is often more:

• Use short, simple phrases rather than explanations
• Acknowledge feelings briefly if it helps but go quiet if talking escalates things
• Stay nearby if it feels safe, without crowding or adding pressure
• Focus on keeping everyone safe. Conversation can wait until things are calm

Once things have settled, you might:

• Talk about what happened and how it affected others
• Ask what was going on for them at the time
• Help them understand the impact of their actions
• Involve them in thinking about what could be different next time
• Explore safer ways to manage strong emotions, our Tools for Talking and Managing Anger pages have ideas

After the moment has passed

When everyone is safe and calm, you can gently explore what happened. Keep the focus on behaviour, not blame.

Capa First Response — Talking about safety with your child is a helpful resource for these conversations.

What is harmful sexual behaviour?

Harmful sexual behaviour (HSB) refers to sexual behaviour displayed by a child or young person that is inappropriate, harmful, or harmful to others. It covers a wide spectrum from language and attitudes through to more serious acts. It looks very different depending on the age and development of the young person involved.

Not all concerning sexual behaviour is the same. Some behaviours reflect curiosity or confusion, particularly where a young person has been exposed to sexual content or conversations before they were ready. Others are more serious and require specialist support. Understanding where behaviour sits on the spectrum helps parents and carers respond in the right way.

HSB does not automatically mean a child has experienced abuse, though this can sometimes be a factor. And it does not mean a young person cannot change with the right support, most young people learn safer, more respectful behaviour.

If you’ve discovered that your child has been displaying harmful sexual behaviour, it’s natural to feel shocked, frightened, confused, or unsure what to do. You are not alone, and this is not your fault.

What might it look like?

HSB covers a wide range of behaviours, organised roughly from lower-level to more serious. Any behaviour that causes distress or feels wrong is worth taking seriously.

Attitudes, language, and concerning behaviours

• Using sexualised language, comments, or ‘jokes’ about others’ bodies
• Making sexual gestures
• Sharing or seeking out sexual images or content inappropriately
• Talking about sex in ways that feel out of step with their age or understanding
• Exposing themselves or masturbating in inappropriate places or in front of others
• Showing sexual content to other young people

Boundary-crossing behaviour

• Repeatedly ignoring others’ physical boundaries
• Inappropriate touching of themselves or others, in contexts where it causes discomfort or distress
• Sexual behaviour between children that involves secrecy, pressure, or a significant difference in age or understanding
• Attempting to involve other young people in sexual activity they don’t understand or haven’t agreed to

More serious behaviour

• Pressuring or coercing someone into sexual activity
• Non-consensual sharing of sexual images
• Behaviour that causes significant distress or harm to another young person

If your child’s behaviour involves sexual abuse, where another child has been harmed please also read our section on Sexual Abuse under Family Violence, which has specific guidance and resources for families in that situation.

NSPCC — Sexual development and behaviour in children has helpful guidance on what is and is not developmentally typical at different ages.

Understanding the impact

HSB can have a serious impact on others causing distress, confusion, and harm. It can also damage relationships and, if it continues without support, shape how a young person relates to others over time.

For the young person displaying HSB, it is often a sign that something else is going on.  Such as confusion about boundaries or bodies, exposure to sexual content at a young age, difficulties regulating emotions, or experiences they haven’t been able to make sense of.

Young people in this situation often feel ashamed, frightened, or worried about getting into trouble. Shame tends to make things worse as it shuts down the conversations that need to happen. Calm, steady support alongside specialist help gives young people the best chance of understanding their behaviour and making safer choices.

What you can do

Stay calm and steady

Your own reaction matters enormously. A calm response, one that takes the behaviour seriously without catastrophising, helps your child stay open to support. You might say: ‘We need to talk about what’s happened. I’m not angry, but I do want us to get the right help.’ Staying calm does not mean minimising what happened. It means creating the conditions where change is possible.

Take it seriously at every level

It can be tempting to dismiss lower-level behaviour – a sexual comment, an inappropriate gesture – as ‘just what young people do.’ But patterns matter, and early conversations are much easier than later ones. If something feels wrong, it is worth addressing it calmly and directly now.

Help them understand what healthy looks like

Many young people displaying HSB have a genuine gap in their understanding of consent, boundaries, and respect. Conversations about what healthy relationships look like, where both people feel safe, equal, and free to say no, are a core part of the support they need. You don’t have to have all the answers; specialist organisations can help with this.

If you think a rape or sexual assault has happened

If you are worried that your child or another young person has been raped or sexually assaulted, it is understandable to feel frightened, unsure what to do, or worried about making the wrong decision. Many parents only realise something serious has happened after a child shares a small part of the story or when they notice changes in behaviour. You do not have to work this out alone.

New Pathways provides confidential support after rape or sexual assault. They can offer crisis support, emotional care, and access to medical or forensic services if needed. You can contact them whether the incident happened recently or some time ago, and whether or not you or your child want to report to the police.

If the assault happened within the last few days, New Pathways can talk you through what to do next, including how to preserve evidence if you are unsure about reporting. If more time has passed, they can still offer support, guidance, and help with next steps. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999.

It is normal for children and young people to feel scared, ashamed, confused, or worried about getting into trouble. They may not use the words “rape” or “assault.” They may minimise what happened or blame themselves. Your calm, steady presence is protective. Let them know you believe them, that what happened is not their fault, and that they are not in trouble. You do not need to have all the answers. Your role is to help them feel safe and supported while you reach out to people who can guide you through what comes next. You can find details of New Pathways and specialist helplines on our Get Support page.

Put some practical safety steps in place

Where there is a risk of further harm to other children (siblings, friends, cousins) some temporary practical measures make sense while you seek support. These are not punishments; they are a normal part of responding carefully. Specialist organisations like Stop It Now can advise on what’s appropriate for your situation.

Seek specialist support early

This is the most important step. HSB is a specialist area. It is not something families should have to navigate alone, and early support makes a real difference. A referral for specialist help may be needed if:

• Another child has been harmed
• There is a risk of further harm
• The behaviour is escalating
• You feel unable to keep children safe
• You are unsure and need guidance

You can seek support through:

• Your local children’s services
• Your local Multi-Agency Safeguarding Hub (MASH)
• The NSPCC – who can advise you and make a referral on your behalf
• Your child’s school

A referral is not a punishment, it is a way of getting your family the right support. You do not need to have all the answers before you reach out.

Stop It Now offer free, confidential advice for parents worried about a child’s sexual behaviour. You do not need to give names or identifying details.