Relationships and Dating

What is consent?

Consent means both people clearly and freely agreeing to something. It means saying yes because they want to, not because they feel pressured, afraid, or unsure. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, even if someone said yes before.

Consent applies to any sexual activity, including things that happen online, like sharing messages or images. And it is not just about sex. It is the foundation of all respectful relationships. The idea that you check, you listen, and you respect the other person’s answer.

When consent is understood and respected from an early age, it becomes the foundation of safe, equal relationships. Talking to your child about consent helps them understand that healthy relationships are built on respect, clear communication, and mutual choice.

What does a relationship with consent look like?

It is clearer to start with what consent looks like in practice, because if a relationship has these things, it is likely to be healthy. In a relationship with consent:

• Both people feel free to say yes or no without fear of the other’s reaction
• Both people’s feelings and boundaries are respected
• There is no pressure, guilt, or manipulation to get agreement
• Either person can change their mind and have that respected immediately
• Decisions are made together, with both people genuinely comfortable

Anything outside this is not consent. It does not matter how the request is framed, how long they have been together, or whether they have agreed to something before. If those conditions above are not present, consent is not present.

Understanding the impact

When consent is not understood or respected, it can lead to real harm. For the young person on the receiving end and for the young person who has not understood where the line is.

Learning about consent early helps young people build relationships based on respect and mutual understanding. It also helps them recognise when something does not feel right and feel confident enough to act on that feeling.

Without this understanding, harmful patterns can develop over time, including behaviours linked to gender-based violence.

What you can do

Talk openly and keep it ongoing

You do not need to have one big talk about consent. Short, regular conversations work better. These can be sparked by something on TV, a news story, or something your child has mentioned. Keep the tone curious and open rather than lecturing.

Keep it simple and age-appropriate

For younger children, consent starts with bodily autonomy, their body belongs to them, and they get to decide who touches it. For older children and teenagers, conversations can expand to include relationships, sexual activity, and online behaviour.

NSPCC — Talking to your child about healthy relationships and consent is a practical starting point.

Help them understand consent in practice

Talk through real scenarios, including online and ask questions like: ‘How would you know if someone was comfortable?’ or ‘What should happen if someone changes their mind?’ This builds practical understanding, not just theory.

If your child has crossed someone’s boundaries

Finding out that your child has been involved in sexual behaviour without the other person’s clear consent can feel shocking. Stay calm, take it seriously, and seek support early. You do not have to work this out alone.

If your child has been harmed

If your child tells you something has happened without their consent, how you respond in that moment matters enormously. Your first reaction, the expression on your face, the emotions you show, will shape whether they feel safe to keep talking.

Try to stay calm on the outside, even if you feel frightened or angry inside. Thank them for telling you. Make clear you believe them and that it is not their fault. Process your own feelings afterwards, with a trusted person or support service, not in front of your child.

Visit our Get Support page for specialist advice and guidance, including organisations that work specifically with young people who have experienced sexual harm.

If you are worried that your child or another young person has been raped or sexually assaulted, specialist services can help you work out what to do next. You can contact a Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) or a specialist helpline for confidential advice. For more information visit our Harmful Sexual Behaviour page.

What is gender-based violence?

Gender-based violence (GBV) is harm or abuse that happens because of someone’s gender, or because of beliefs about how people should behave based on gender.

Between young people, this can show up in relationships through control, pressure, or harm. It often links to ideas about power, respect, and what it means to be a boy or a girl.

Many young people are exposed to messages online, through peers, or in wider society that can normalise harmful attitudes. Some boys and young men may be encouraged to be dominant, in control, or entitled in relationships. These influences can shape how young people understand relationships, sometimes without them fully realising it.

What might it look like?

• Controlling or possessive behaviour
• Sexual pressure or unwanted contact
• Sharing images without consent
• Name-calling, humiliation, or sexist language
• Threats or intimidation
• Expecting someone to behave in a certain way because of their gender
• Dismissing or minimising someone’s feelings or boundaries
• A young person accepting behaviour they are not comfortable with because they think it is normal

Understanding the impact

GBV can have a serious impact on both the person experiencing it and the person using these behaviours. For young people on the receiving end, it can affect confidence, safety, wellbeing and shape what they expect from relationships going forward.

For young people displaying these behaviours, without support these patterns can become more deeply rooted over time. These behaviours are often learned, which means they can also be unlearned with the right support.

What you can do

Talk about equality and respect in relationships

Regular conversations about what respectful relationships look like, where both people feel safe, valued, and free to be themselves help young people build a framework for understanding their own relationships. This does not have to be a formal talk. It can start with something on TV or something they have heard from peers.

Challenge harmful messages and give them the words

When you hear something disrespectful or sexist, name it calmly and give your child the language to name it too. You might say:

• ‘That comment is putting women down and that is not okay’
• ‘Saying she was asking for it because of what she was wearing is sexism’
• ‘That joke treats girls as less than. That is misogyny’

Giving young people the actual words, sexism, misogyny, entitlement, disrespect helps them identify these things when they see them elsewhere, including in their own relationships.

When your child cannot see the problem

Sometimes young people will push back, dismiss what you are saying, or go quiet. This does not mean the conversation has failed. You are planting something. A few things that help:

• Stay curious rather than corrective: ‘I wonder where that idea comes from?’ lands better than ‘That is wrong’
• Name your own values without demanding agreement: ‘That is not something I believe in, and I want you to know why’
• Come back to it another time, sparked by something different
• Enlist other trusted adults, hearing the same message from someone else your child respects can land differently

You will not always know whether something has landed. That is okay. Consistency over time matters more than any single conversation.

Model respectful behaviour

Children learn from what they see around them. Where possible, model equality and respect in your own relationships and interactions.

If you are concerned about your child’s behaviour

If you are worried that your child is using controlling, harmful, or disrespectful behaviour towards others in a relationship, take it seriously and seek support early. You do not have to manage this alone.

If your child is on the receiving end

If you think your child is experiencing controlling or harmful behaviour in a relationship, let them know you are there and that what is happening is not their fault. They can talk to you without judgement.

What is coercive control?

Coercive control is when someone uses a pattern of behaviour over time to control, isolate, or frighten another person. It is a criminal offence. It can happen in romantic relationships between young people, and also in friendships.

Coercive control does not always involve physical violence. It can be hard to spot, especially because the behaviours involved can feel like care or protectiveness at first.

Young people can both experience coercive control and use these behaviours themselves, sometimes without fully understanding what they are doing or why it is harmful.

What might it look like?

• Telling someone what they can wear, who they can see, or where they can go
• Checking phones, messages, or social media accounts
• Jealous or possessive behaviour framed as love or caring
• Isolating someone from their friends or family
• Making someone feel afraid, guilty, or responsible for their partner’s feelings
• Constant contact, such as texting or calling to check where someone is
• Putting someone down, humiliating them, or undermining their confidence
• Making all the decisions in a relationship

A note on the language we use as parents

It is worth pausing on this. Some of the patterns above like monitoring, restricting freedom, making decisions for someone else and justifying it as love and protection can sound uncomfortably close to things we say and do as parents, particularly with teenagers.

There is an important difference: good parenting involves explanation, negotiation, and giving young people room to push back, even when the answer is still no. If you take the time to explain your reasoning, invite your child to challenge it, and treat their view as worth hearing, even when you hold the boundary you are modelling something very different from control.

‘I am doing this because I love you and want you to be safe’ is the start of the conversation, not the end of it. The conversation that follows, where your child gets to respond, question, and feel heard is what makes it parenting rather than control.

Understanding the impact

Coercive control can be difficult to recognise, especially when it is gradual and framed as love or concern. Young people may not realise what is happening to them, or may feel responsible for their partner’s emotions.

Over time, coercive control can affect a young person’s confidence, independence, and sense of self. It can also shape what they come to expect from relationships, making it harder to recognise healthy relationships later on.

Young people using controlling behaviour towards others may not recognise it as harmful, especially if they have seen similar patterns modelled around them. With the right support, young people can learn what respectful, equal relationships look like.

What you can do

Help them recognise the signs

One of the most useful things you can do is help your child understand what healthy relationships look like so they have something to compare against. You might explore green flags and red flags together: green flags show kindness, respect, and equality; red flags warn of controlling or hurtful behaviour.

Keep conversations open and non-judgemental

Young people who feel judged or afraid of getting into trouble are less likely to open up about what is happening in their relationships. Keeping conversations light, curious, and ongoing means they are more likely to come to you when something feels wrong.

Enlist other trusted adults

If your child is not hearing this from you or is dismissing it, think about who else in their life could carry the same message. An older sibling, an aunt or uncle, a trusted family friend. The goal is not for you to win the conversation but for your child to absorb the values. Hearing the same things from people they respect across their life makes a real difference.

Take it seriously

Coercive control can be dismissed as jealousy, protectiveness, or just how relationships are. It is not. If your child is describing behaviour that sounds controlling in their own relationship or a friend’s, take it seriously and explore it further.

If you are worried about your child’s safety

If you believe your child is in a controlling relationship and their safety is at risk, seek support. The organisations below can advise you on how to help without putting your child at greater risk.

The Welsh Government’s This Is Not Ok campaign has specific guidance for parents worried about a young person’s relationship.

If your child is using controlling behaviour

If you are concerned that your child is behaving in a controlling or coercive way towards a partner or friend, take it seriously and seek specialist support early. This behaviour can escalate, and early intervention makes a real difference.

What is teenage relationship abuse?

Teenage relationship abuse is when a young person experiences harmful behaviour from a romantic partner. This can include physical, emotional, sexual, or digital harm and what happens in these relationships can be just as serious and damaging as in adult relationships.

The legal definitions are different from adult domestic abuse, but the behaviours and their impact are not lesser. A young person can be as frightened, as controlled, and as harmed in a teenage relationship as an adult experiencing domestic abuse. It is important not to minimise what young people go through simply because of their age.

What makes teenage relationship abuse particularly difficult to identify is that first relationships can feel all-consuming. The intensity is normal, which makes it harder to see when something has crossed a line. Peers may normalise behaviour that is harmful. And young people may not yet have the experience or language to recognise what is happening to them.

What might it look like?

Signs you might notice from the outside include:

• Your child seems anxious, unhappy, or different since the relationship began
• They are spending less time with friends or family
• Their partner contacts them constantly and they seem stressed about responding
• They become secretive or defensive when you mention their partner
• They make excuses for their partner’s behaviour
• They seem afraid of upsetting their partner
• Unexplained changes in confidence, appearance, or who they spend time with
• Pressure around sex, images, or online activity within the relationship

Understanding the impact

Experiencing abuse in a first relationship can shape how a young person understands love, conflict, and what they deserve, sometimes for years afterwards. It can affect confidence, mental health, and expectations of future relationships.

Young people often feel ashamed, confused, or responsible for what is happening. They may feel deeply loyal to their partner, especially if the relationship also has positive moments, which many do. This is not weakness. It is a normal response to a complex situation.

What you can do

Stay connected even if they push back

Young people in harmful relationships often pull away from parents. Stay present without forcing it. Let them know regularly, calmly, without ultimatums that you are there and that your relationship with them is safe, whatever is happening.

Share your concerns without attacking their partner

Directly criticising their partner usually backfires. Young people will defend the person they love, even when that person is hurting them. Focus instead on what you have noticed about your child: ‘I have noticed you seem more anxious lately’ or ‘I feel like I am seeing less of you.’ Ask questions rather than delivering verdicts.

Help them name what they are experiencing

Many young people do not have the language for what is happening to them. Ask: ‘How do you feel about yourself in this relationship?’ or ‘Does being with them make you feel good about who you are?’ These questions invite reflection. You might also share what you are observing in simple terms: ‘The way they speak to you does not sit right with me.’

If they cannot see the problem

Sometimes young people are not ready to see what is happening, or feel so invested in the relationship that they cannot hear it. This is one of the hardest situations for a parent. Some things that help:

• Keep the door open. They need to know you will not say ‘I told you so’ when they are ready
• Focus on your relationship with them rather than the relationship they are in
• Enlist a trusted adult who connects with your child differently. Sometimes the same concern lands better from an older sibling or close relative
• Plant seeds rather than force conclusions ‘I just want you to know that if anything ever felt wrong, I am here’

Believe them if they tell you

If your child discloses that something has happened, believe them and take it seriously. Stay calm, thank them for telling you, and avoid asking them to justify or explain what happened. Focus on what they need next.

If you are worried about immediate safety

If you believe your child is in immediate danger, contact the police or the Live Fear Free Helpline. You do not need to have all the details before you seek help.

Live Fear Free Helpline (Wales) – 0808 80 10 800 · 24 hours, 7 days a week – can advise on safety planning and next steps.

What is sexual exploitation?

Sexual exploitation is when someone takes advantage of a child or young person for sexual purposes. It often involves an exchange such as attention, gifts, money, status, or a sense of belonging and the young person may not always recognise what is happening as exploitation.

Sometimes the person doing the exploiting builds trust first, acting like a friend or partner before the situation shifts. This process is sometimes called grooming.

Young people can also become involved in behaviour that exploits others, sometimes without fully understanding the impact.

What might it look like?

• Someone building a relationship or trust, then asking for sexual activity or images
• Pressure to send sexual messages, images, or videos
• Being offered gifts, attention, money, or status in exchange for sexual behaviour
• Manipulation, emotional pressure, or feeling unable to say no
• Keeping relationships or interactions secret from family
• Suddenly having unexplained money, gifts, or new older friends

Young people encouraging or pressuring others into sexual activity or sharing images

Understanding the impact

Sexual exploitation can be very harmful and confusing for young people. It can affect their sense of safety, self-worth, and understanding of what relationships should look like.

These situations often involve a real imbalance of power, even when they do not look that way from the outside. A young person may feel they have chosen what is happening, but also feel unable to stop. Shame and confusion can make it hard for them to tell anyone.

With the right support, young people can begin to understand what has happened, process it safely, and build healthier ways of relating.

What you can do

Stay curious and open

If something feels off, such as a new older friend, unexplained gifts, secretiveness, or changes in behaviour, trust your instincts. Try to stay curious rather than jumping to conclusions. You might ask open questions: ‘Tell me about this person’ or ‘How did you meet them?’ rather than leading with concern.

Talk about manipulation and pressure

Help your child understand that relationships should feel safe and equal and that when someone makes them feel obligated, pressured, or like they owe something, that is a warning sign.

Make it easy to come to you

Young people who are being exploited often feel ashamed, scared, or worried they will get into trouble. Letting your child know, regularly, not just once, that they can come to you with anything without fear of blame or punishment makes it more likely they will reach out.

Take concerns seriously

If your child tells you something has happened, believe them and take it seriously. Your first response matters. Stay calm, thank them for telling you, and seek specialist support.

If a young person is in immediate danger, call 999.